By Ibrahim Oladipupo
Mutual opposition simply means one cannot exist without the other; yet they are mutually opposed. Another term that best describes this is gender polarity and it is the ability for a woman or lady to accept her feminine role and a man to accept his masculine role. The more we assume our gender roles, in other words the deeper the polarity, the deeper we get attracted to each other.
When there is tussle of power between spouses and both of them are emphasizing on the responsibility of one another and assuming equality, this is a sign of being out of polarity. That is, they’re stressing their relevance in their relationship. It is a situation filled with so much confusion and role-playing. This is a serious barrier that usually prevents spouses from having an intense romantic affair.
Men and women are created to complement each other’s deficiencies and not to play same role in their marriage. Trying to make the two opposite sex play same role only means cheating nature which comes with consequences. It will only bring about power tussle and can never bring a balance. The natural law of polarity is that ‘unlike’ poles attract each other while like poles repel each other.
Women are usually good with verbal skills while men are good with spatial skills including practical and abstract calculations, measurement, and mechanical design. These days, a lot of women have challenged the status quo and taken up the role of being in charge of corporations and parastatals. They are taking up men’s roles in the society and this has made them adopt masculine characters in order to be able to meet up with their leadership expectations. As we move up the ladder to global successful female entrepreneurs, this gets more serious. Women are now losing their relevance in their marriage as they bring in the masculine personality into their matrimonial home creating an atmosphere for gender equity. It is never a bad idea for women to be in charge in their workplace but they should try as much as they can to leave this masculine character right at their workplace if they want to have a fulfilled and romantic relationship with their spouse.
When a boss lady displays masculine leadership characters or emphasizes on gender equity in her marital home, it is because her intuition has been programmed to emulate the leadership role from her workplace. Now, the question is how do you compromise this masculine character with your real feminine character especially when you are with your spouse or fiancé?
While the masculine characters emulated by a woman will make her spouse feel out of polarity, it is important for the man to keep things cool instead of emphasizing or reminding her of his role in the relationship as stress can set in which can further escalate matters. At this stage, the best thing for the man to do is to let go of his bossy role and embrace flexibility. Then he can always revisit the matter at a later time when emotions are stable to discuss the issue with his woman.
Being a man of the house is not just justified by being the head, being muscular or being financially capable enough to take care of your family but it also requires possessing the skills for managing your relationship with your family successfully. And yes, this is a non-negotiable responsibility you must carry. Accepting flexibility does not make you weak but makes you more attractive not only to your woman but to your children. A real man is that which is powerful enough to protect her woman but also reasonable enough to listen to and respect her. In order to have a fulfilled and peaceful relationship, men also must be ready to compromise some things without negotiation in their matrimonial homes.
Based on ontology and according to the holy books it is evident that men and women are created differently. We think differently, we feel differently, and we have different physical and mental abilities. These days, this context is being overlooked as women now fight for gender equity. While it is evident that women have made reasonable achievements equally with their male counterparts in the society with their leadership skills, some women unfortunately, have pushed for equality to the extent that the unique qualities and attributes of gender differences have been erased. Due to this, men have totally misplaced their relevance in their relationship.
One of the major reasons for conflict between two spouses, especially in relationships where the wife is more successful or has a higher social status than the husband is because of the kind of impression the society has created towards gender equity. Some women now think men and women have same psychological characteristics and this has made them adopt personalities that counter their female personalities, in fact this is one of the reasons for homosexualism.
Men and women have different priorities, think differently and have different desires in life so being different does not mean one is better or worse but rather, it means they are unique in their own ways. After all, this is what makes the world interesting. The earlier it is for both partners to know their relevance in their marriage, the better it is for them.
For two people to have a deep romantic and intimate relationship with each other, it is better they accept their gender differences. Both partners should be more comfortable with their gender essence and complement their gender differences rather than fighting for equality.
Spouses are called to be managers of their homes by operating effectively in their various departments and God model is one of responsibility and care, not oppression and abuse.
For more insight on the model of true leadership and how this model can help transform your marriage into a graceful union, be on the look out for my next piece titled ‘The Misconception of Real Leadership and Its Effects On Marriage’
Growing up as the first son in a polygamous home and experiencing divorce in his family at an early stage, Ibrahim Oladipupo found the need to develop and build a society with graceful families.
As a young man, his curiosity for solving problems made him discover the great passion in fixing and restoring life to consciousness. Passionate about solving problems, bringing healing to people is one of the perfect ways of serving his gift to the world.
Ola, a relationship and business enthusiast, is an entrepreneur and a graduate of the University of Ibadan. He founded TrafficOnPlus, a non-profit organization aimed at stopping the tragedy of road deaths and injuries. He has worked on various platforms as an independent marketer and has gained vast experience in customer relationship management by building cohesion between external and internal stakeholders.